"I'M AN EIGHT???!!!!"

If my life was a reality show, VH1 would be running clips of my day yesterday on “Best Week Ever” and making fun of me. It all started with a yellow dress…

I’m in a wedding Saturday and the dresses are yellow. (not bright yellow, more like a stick of butter yellow) Some of you may have noticed in the past that I am a tad on the fair side (insert sarcastic comment) so when I put the light yellow dress on I looked pretty washed out. So what did I decide to do about it? The only logical thing… Get Lacy to give me a spray tan, duhhh. So yesterday I found myself at her place of business, standing there in a bathing suit getting apple scented tanning solution sprayed on me. When she was done, I thank her and she leaves so I can get dressed, and that was when I looked in the mirror. I flipped my shiz-nit, for real. I stayed calm while at the tanning place while I was asking Lacy repeatedly “Are you sure I don’t look crazy” She assured my I did not and sent me on my way. Now I’m the type of person who needs like 4 people’s opinions before I buy a pair of pants, so needless to say I did not just go home like she told me too. I need someone’s eyes on me who knows what I normally look like and is honest enough to tell me if it looks crazy…. So I call Aunt Sharon. She is not home but she said that she is sure it looks fine and don’t wash it off “because I want to see you all tanned”. See what I heard when she said that last bit was “don’t wash it off because I want to see you look like a big idiot”. I needed some to assess the situation and honestly tell me what they thought so I decided to go to the Mecca of honesty, Uncle Wayne and Aunt Libba’s house. As I pull up to their lovely home I am on the phone freaking out to my mother, (and I clearly had already lost my mind at this point) so without thinking I ring the doorbell sending Barkley into hysterics. This is followed by Uncle Wayne answering the das “you mean, weirder than normal?”…. Now there is more to the story here but it involves asking over and over if they are sure I don’t need to wash it off immediately and talking like a crazy person (probably too fast for them to even understand me) but I’ve already made myself sound stupid enough. Aunt Libba finally calmed me down and told me it did not look strange and I chose to believe her because I love her and trust her judgment… that and the fact that if I looked really crazy she would not be able to keep a straight face.

I am kind of sad because I don’t feel like this story transfers to text very well. It’s things like this that make me want to carry a video camera every where I go. Also I feel it’s necessary to confess that there is more to this story (including me going to see Brittney) but I was trying to save a much face as possible so some chapters have been omitted.


Any who, I am happy to report that every thing is fine now. When you get a spray tan, it is kind of dark but lightens up when you get in the shower and today everything looks fine.